The Cow and the Ice Cream

THE COW AND THE ICE CREAM ONE OF THE BEST EXPLANATIONS OF WHY OBAMA WON THE ELECTION

From a teacher in the Nashville area

"We are worried about 'the cow' when it is all about the 'Ice Cream.'
The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year...

The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.
I decided we would have an election for a class president.
We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.
To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.
We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.
The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids..
I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support.
I had never seen Olivia's mother.
The day arrived when they were to make their speeches...
Jamie went first.
He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best.
Everyone applauded and he sat down.
Now is was Olivia's turn to speak.
Her speech was concise.
She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream."
She sat down.
The class went wild."Yes! Yes!
We want ice cream."

She surely would say more. She did not have to.
A discussion followed.. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it. She didn't know.
The class really didn't care.
All they were thinking about was ice cream.
Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide
Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and 52 percent of the people reacted like nine year olds.
They want ice cream. The other 48 percent know
they're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess."

This is the ice cream Obama promised us!

Remember, the government cannot give anything to anyone that they have not first taken away from someone else!

Priceless: SAFER TO TAKE A CAMEL

This brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse , France without a single hour of airtime.

Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies(ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such asengine run-ups prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi . The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.

Then they took all Four engines to takeoff power with avirtually empty aircraft. Not having Read the run-upmanuals, they had no clue just how light an emptyA340-600 Really is.

The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpitbecause they had All 4 engines at full power.The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off,but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc..)

Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuitbreaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm.This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air.


The computers automatically released all the Brakesand set the aircraft rocketing forward.The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety featureso that pilots can't land with the brakes on.

Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new Aircraft crashed into a blastbarrier, totaling it.



The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to thenews blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere.

Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs.

Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

A French Airbus: $200 million dollarsUntrained Arab Flight Crew: $300,000 Yearly Salary... Unread Operating Manual: $300 aircraft meets retaining wall and the wall wins. PRICELESS!!!

Why Parents Drink

Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw anenvelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it' s not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son
John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

The Human Race

She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde....
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

A REDNECK LOVE POEM

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,

SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;

YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

***************************

(Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?)